volumetwo | (no subject)

Well....

Well shit.

Scorpius's eyes go a little wide, and his jaw could hit the floor. His chest is so tight it feels like his veins are tangled, and it's suddenly so warm there, near the stove, near James, that he's afraid he might catch fire. His stomach plummets. All of this, everything James says, it sure sounds like a bigger confession than the I love you he said earlier.

His cheeks burn. He keeps James up at night? James gets jealous thinking of him? He mixes James up?

Slowly, Scorpius takes a step back, then another, and sinks into the nearest chair, holding the arm rest for support. He's never been in anything this serious, and frankly, he isn't sure what he could say to alleviate any of James's nonsensical fears. He thinks about James, too, after all. About James at work. With girls. Coming to realize whatever he had with Scorpius was just curiosity.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he scoffed. "Well, thanks, now I'm scared."

The way that Scorpius steps back and sinks into a chair has James's stomach dropping out, too, but not in the same warm way. Had he said too much? He always said too much - he had a big goddamn mouth, and never knew when to shut up.

He puts the butterbeer down and heads to the freezer, hands shaking a little with the adrenaline that had just been dumped into his bloodstream. Why had he had to say anything? Why couldn't he have kept things the way they were? Tugging it open, he digs past the ice cream and seems to be hunting down the liquor he keeps in the back. Not the healthiest thing to do, but certainly the easiest.

"You're going to get in trouble if they find out you're sneaking off the grounds," he says, voice unsteady.

Watching James dig through the freezer, Scorpius just sits there. Silent. He's not sure what James wants him to say here. Or do. Or...or anything.

And that's when it hits him.

"James..." He hangs his head a little. "If this is a breakup conversation, it's...best to just get it out in one go. Like ripping off a bandage."

"--can we break up? Are we dating?"

And that seems to be the crux of the issue. He finds the bottle and pulls it out, focusing on the cap instead of the boy in front of him.

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I don't know how to be a boyfriend. I don't know how to have a boyfriend." And off comes the cap. James takes a long pull from the bottle and nearly gags. "I didn't even know I liked blokes until you came along."

This whole conversation is making Scorpius feel sick. It had all started out so good, too. The phone sex thing. It was so hot. And hearing James say he loved him...

He didn't quite understand where all that pleasure had run off to.

"So...you're confused." The words sting, but he forces himself to say them anyway. "Or it's a phase. Or you were just curious." He scoffs, shrugging. "Give me whichever excuse you want, and I'll get out of your hair."

"You're not answering my question."

James wanted more than anything to take another pull from the bottle, but his stomach was already turning in on itself.

"Are you my boyfriend?"

Staring at James, who won't so much as look back at him, Scorpius thinks it would be best to lie. To tell James to fuck off and never see him again. But then, he doesn't always do what's best.

"I thought I was, yeah."

"I kept telling myself that this was a- game or something." He glances at the boiling water, makes sure that it isn't about to make a mess, and finally moves to sit awkwardly at the table across from Scorpius. "I figured you were gonna get bored and move on. You know, I'm a Potter, ha ha, the novelty'd wear off eventually."

When he cuts his eyes up to him, the fear he had mentioned is real, is there.

"But I think I meant what I said before. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it."

Scorpius is sure, for a few brief minutes, that he's gone deaf. The only thing he can hear is how his heart thuds against his ear drums, against his ribs, up high in his throat.

I meant what I said before.

The fear in James's eyes makes whatever was left in his stomach drop away all over again. He could really be sick on this roller coaster.

"...To be honest, the novelty wore off about five minutes after you opened your mouth." It's a joke meant to diffuse the tension, but it comes out so raw that Scorpius doesn't know how to make it funny again. He holds James's eyes, because that's all he can hope to do right now. "I don't really know what to do either, you know. I didn't write the book on gay relationships. I've never even...really been in one." He swallows again, feeling utterly pathetic. "You're the only guy I've been with for more than a week who didn't say it was just a fad or something."

"I wanted it to be a fad," he admits, and when he looks away, it's only because he's half-smiling at the jab about him opening his mouth. James swallows once, then again, distantly afraid that he's going to swallow his own tongue, before he sort of makes a beckoning gesture at Scorpius. Come here, he seems to be saying, and he's shifting back in his chair to make sure his lap is flat.

"-- but they're bastards," James croaks finally. "If they strung you along. They're right bastards."

"Worse then guys who blurt wonderful things and then freak out about it?" he asks, lifting both brows as he stands up and circles the table slowly. They should probably take things slow again, but Scorpius has never been particularly good at slow, so he just throws a leg over James's lap and slides into an easy straddle, facing him with both arms around his neck.

James sighs as he winds his arms around Scorpius's waist. He's still trembling a little as he does it, still from that same adrenaline rush. "Yeah. A lot worse." He curls his fingers into the back of his shirt, watching him. "Do you remember that first time you came to my house? And we both ended up in the pond."

"Yeah... Of course I do."

He'd never forget it, actually. It was one of those things that kept him up at night. That first kiss. The look on James's face... The way his entire stomach felt like it jumped when James so much as looked at him.

Electric, as the Muggles would say.

"Thought I hated you."

James sighs again, before sort of just tugging Scorpius in against him, shifting to rest his chin atop his head.

"I really did. I thought you were - I don't know, corrupting my baby brother. Thought you were trying to get blackmail material on me, too, or something. Think I was already scared, even back then."

A soft smile breaks onto Scorpius's face now that James can't see it. He cradles James's head, running his fingers through the fine, short hairs at the nape of his neck. He really would rather not ruin this moment by saying he probably had corrupted Albus a bit, and that things with James had started as a bit of a joke to see how far he could push it...

Anyway, all that mattered now was that it worked out, right?

"I get that," he says, instead, quietly.

"Do you really?" He swallows again, mouth dry, and shifts so that he can reach Scorpius's cheek, kissing up the side of it, resting his lips against the shell of his ear. "Because I don't know if you do. I don't want you to want anyone else."

"You're such a bloody idiot," Scorpius grumbles, trying in vein to keep the amusement out of his voice. "Who else would I call via Muggle telephone or sneak into their bedroom and have a wank? I don't want anyone else. I want you."

Scorpius dragged both his hands through James's hair.

"If you haven't noticed, I'm quite fond of you."

He shivers hard, closing his eyes and just focusing on the feeling of the fingers in his hair. "I don't know. Maybe you call other people. I don't exactly know a lot about you, you know."

But his arms tighten around him. "I'm still trying to figure all of that stuff out."

"I do not call anyone else but you, I can promise you that." Scorpius wouldn't even own a Muggle anything if not for James. The Malfoys weren't exactly progressive in that sense, and Draco would die if he found out his only son and heir to the Malfoy name not only used a Muggle cell phone but was using it for phone sex with his sort of boyfriend.

"And now I definitely won't. Because you're asking me, officially, for this to be exclusive, yeah?"

James is pretty sure his dad would kill him. Execute him -- but he's not sure. "Um. Yeah, I guess. If that's what you want." He kept his eyes shut, squinted hard. "I haven't-- been with anyone else."

"What do you want?" Scorpius asked insistently, still threading his fingers through James's hair, sitting in his lap. Even though the conversation was so serious, it was nice to just be talking like this. They didn't often have private moments where they weren't fooling around, and Scorpius sort of treasured these.

"I don't know," he admitted softly, and it was only then that the furrow of his brow began to relax. "I wish things were easy. I wish I wasn't a- bloody Potter, and I wish I could mess things up without the whole world knowing."

James leaned back a little then, awkwardly trying to catch Scorpius's eyes. "Do you know what kind of scandal this would be? It's- unreal."

"So we keep it a secret," Scorpius says, shrugging. He leans back until his spine touches the table, giving James a bit more room to breathe. "And, erm, maybe I stop calling you at work and wanking in your bed." A grin. It would be difficult, but hey, they'd only have to worry until Scorpius graduated. Then, things would be easier.

And James does breathe a little easier, even if he seems vaguely reluctant to let Scorpius lean too far away from him. He hesitates, then slides his hands down the sides of the other boy's arms, letting his fingers rest at his elbows. "... ugh. Albus is going to punch me in the face when he finds out, too." But Lily would be happy for him, most likely.

"Like I said: secret," Scorpius reiterates, although the idea of Al punching James in the face is sort of funny, Merlin help him. Al's a spitfire. He'd probably do more than punch James if he found out. But Scorpius isn't planning on letting him in on this. If they have to keep quiet for a while, hopefully not forever, then Scorpius can handle it.

"Hey, James," he coos, giving him bedroom eyes and a slow, sensual smile. "I may not know much....but I think you may be overcooking your pasta."

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we need to play Harry finding out about them >.>!!!

Oh no we so should

I may have to start working some Harry time into James's life

i think that would be an exceptional thing to do :3

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